It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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