i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
