Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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