I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
