I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
