I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
