I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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