idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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