I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
