If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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