Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
