Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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