Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
