Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
