Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
