Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
