So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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