Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Are my feet made of real feet?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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