my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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