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Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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