pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You need Xanax blowdarts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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