if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
