Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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