TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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