She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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