this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
