I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
