you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize