capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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