My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
