I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
