covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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