Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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