I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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