OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
