all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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