I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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