I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
