I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
