if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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