Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
