hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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