I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wear drunk well.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
