one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
