Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
