I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
