idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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