i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
