She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
