my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
