oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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