You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
