Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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