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there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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