Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
