Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
