tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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