you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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