So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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