Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize