They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
