Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
