I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
