Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
