Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize