Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize