no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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