Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize