college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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