I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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