his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
