In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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