before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
