so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
