Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
