Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
