It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
