Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
