u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize