you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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