Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He did a backflip because drugs
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
