so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
honey bunches of taint.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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