Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
