thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
