Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
third nipple confirmed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
