i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
