dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
