Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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