somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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