this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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