How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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