Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
