I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
