Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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