a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
