it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
