Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
